Friday, November 13, 2009

who's lucki-er?

I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
I’m the only one who’s noticed
I can’t be the only one who’s learned

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ’round rooms wonder what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

~ GAVIN DE GRAW (I Don’t Wanna Be, 2004)

alangkah beruntung nya org yg tahu ape yg dia mahukan dalam hidup ni..

alangkah beruntungnya org yg dapat lakukan ape yg dia mahukan dalam hidup ini..

alangkah beruntungnya org yg mahir dlm kerja yg dilakukannya, walaupun itu bukan yg dia mahukan dalam hidup ini..

...antara ketiga-tiganya,mana yg lebih untung sebenarnye? yg pasti, aku bukan salah satu darinye..

..ahhh scary life
..Love, productive Friday and sweet weekend ahead.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Your Insecurities Make You Emotionally Selfish

I was thinking about blogging a personal, sensitive matter that had been hanging in midair for a quite some time. As I was surfing for some inspirations, I came across a quote that struck a chord.

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other."
- Honore De balzac

For the record, I don't put the blame on anybody else. It's just that when I decided to swallow my pride I was fooled by the idea that things had passed, we've learned our mistakes and things will be like they used to. Sadly, I was wrong. I've resigned to the fact that some of us will always afraid to admit that they've gone too far with their behaviours. Thus, the overflowing gratitude, respect and adoration that I have, had turned into a sad disappointment. As I'm trying to live my life, and move forward, how do I deal with friends from the past? Truth is, there is nothing in common anymore. They know I will accept them no matter what, I will be around if they need me. But friendship is a 2-way thing, isn't it? I want something back too. I want friends who inspire, not depress me. I want our conversations to be about Allah, or always in constant reminders of Him.

Sometimes immaturity does come with age and gender.

I hope someday you’ll be wise enough to read between the lines rather than take everything said at face value. Grow up!!

*sigh* Too many words that left unspoken drifted everyone apart.

I miss my old-day @ CRMD. I miss my old-friends.

May Allah help my friends who are in trouble, and may Allah bless my friends who loves me for His sake.









Monday, October 26, 2009

my only 2 cents worth @ Mekah Al Mukarramah

...The weekend rolls in, a respite for some from the grind of the week, a start of a new round for others. Stresses it brings but then still absolutely lovely week :P

As Friday melts into Saturday it’s time to think about the fact that I have to attend wedding reception of my relatives and friends & kenduri kesyukuran for my relatives and neigbours yang bakal pergi menunaikan Rukun Islam yg ke5.
All in all It was tiring yet FUN :)

Talking bout Musim Haji, one of my bonda dear neighbours left for haj with her husband last Saturday. Beloved bonda, ayahanda and I went to their house which is just sepelaung away from ours to ucap selamat. After pak Imam melaungkan azan, they rushed into their MPV without looking back and headed for the call of the All Mighty. This reminded me of that time when I too was preparing to leave for my Umrah back, last year. This is not about going to Mekah, more about why when dah azan, kena cepat cepat ride the vehicle and don't look back. Some say if we look back, the journey will not be a safe one or one may not reach Tanah Haram at all. Wallahualam..

Performing the Hajj is truly like going to battle. You leave your family behind, you take along only the essentials and you make do with whatever we have. But the battle is not only physical, it was also emotional, psychological and spiritual.
I believe that Allah gives you lessons to learn everyday, irregardless of whether you are on Umrah (Small Hajj), Hajj or not, but somehow during that period, perhaps due to the situation, lessons seems to be more intense and you are somewhat forced to learn it. I imagine that the itinerary for pilgrims from Malaysia will be quite similar during the Umrah. You will be travelling between Madinah, Makkah, Arafah, Muzdalifah and Mina, and your schedule will be quite packed.

Here are some tips I would like to share with regards to Menunaikan Rukun Haji & Umrah:

1. Drink lots and lots of water.
I know you'll be afraid that it will make you want to go to the toilet often and you're afraid if the toilet facilities will be bad, but drink away! Your body will lose water in other ways (sweating, and from reciting the Qur'an and dzikr), so dont worry about overloading your bladder. If you do have to go to the toilet, pray to Allah so that it will be easy.

2. Carry Pocket/Purse sized Tissues, WetWipes, Vaseline, Spray Bottle, your favourite cough drops and Snickers, all in a small sling bag. These are essential and will make your journey more comfortable. The tissues & wetwipes are really good for quick clean-ups and freshening up. The Vaseline can be used to maintain moisture on any part of the body (especially your lips! Lots of reciting/supplicating will make your lips dry). If you cant find a travel size vaseline, a non-perfumed chapstick will do. I carry a spray bottle of clean water (fill it up with zam-zam if you like) so that I can make wudhu' anytime, anywhere. Suck on a cough drop the moment your throat start to feel scratchy. Eat a snicker to stave off the hunger pangs. I carry this sling bag everywhere I go. Also in this sling bag were my handphone, some money, my insurance card, a copy of our Umrah/hajj registration, a pair of socks, and a small book of supplications.

3. Layer your clothes.
The weather can be quite erratic, so if you're not sure if it's going to be cold, make sure you bring layers of clothes instead of thick items. Bring one thick jacket/cardigan/shawl if you have to, and underneath them use layers. Bring socks, wear 2 pairs if it gets cold. (Note: Pullover abayas/jubahs are recommended as opposed to button-front ones.)

5. Tawaf/Saei with gripped socks.
You know them socks with rubber dots on the soles? Just like the ones for babies but these are for adults? They are really good for tawaf and saei. Masjidil Haram's marble floors can be quite cold and normal socks are slippery so these socks give you some grip and the extra friction makes it less tiring.

6. If you can, have your MP3 player filled with Qur'an translation.
I really should've bought an iPod lah. I only had a few selected surahs on my phone. I found it really helpful, especially when it's not conducive to read (i.e. in the bus, at night, noisy surroundings, you've lost your wudhu'). The translation helps you understand the meaning of the surahs. I got my surahs with English Translation from www.dhikrullah.com.

7. Write your supplications (dua) in a small notebook (buku tigalima).
I wrote all my supplications in a small flip-over notebook so that I don't forget, but I found flipping over a little cumbersome. I think a regular notebook (that flips left/right) would be much much easier to hold and flip as you move along.

8. Take your medicines.
You don't know what's gonna happen, so no matter how confident you are about your health or biological cycles, take your medicine! You do not want to fall sick during these 5 days.

9. Do lots of dzikr and supplications.
Take this time to really remember the Almighty and all that He has given you and reflect upon yourself. 'Istiqamah' bak kata my mummy G.. :)
Rasa macam rugilah pulak bila dah susah-susah pegi buat Umrah/haji, tapi membazir masa buat benda lain... :P (Especially for me lah, since I feel like this is my last chance to buat Umrah).

I'm sure there are more tips.. feel free to share.
Hopefully I can go again, and I really pray hard for it and make full use of the tips here, Ameen :)

Meantime, do enjoy my pictorial journey to Mekah last year'08....

my bag and Maggie Kari pedas adalah benda penting utk Oversea Trip :)


after 3days kt sana, 1 of the notty pak arab dok alwiz kacau me eventhough my clothes were VERY islamically, but for them still doesnt meet their full criteria thus as a result people will staring at you, and thus membuatkan my Mutawwif risau, so he decided to bought me this and forced me to pakai and that would be my 1st introduction to it. Man I dont know how Iranian women wear that thing, It fell from me all the time, it made me so angry! no matter how did it, it fell down huhuhu...


Mekah from my eyes...






me and the rest...with all d most adorable and helpful mate i've ever had..miss them!


After finishing with the tawaf and drinking some Zam-Zam water we went to Mount Safa and Marwa. Muslims who perform the Hajj or Umrah must walk/run between the two hills, starting from Mount Safa and ending with Mount Marwa. As we were walking, my eyes were always in search, to get a glimpse of the Kaaba. Those glances of the Kaaba were like nourishment to the soul, filling you with true, sincere, divine love, a love that can not be taken away from you.




Time to say bubye, you have no idea how much I miss it. Its an experience like no other experience.

Friday, October 23, 2009

ME

What my 'name' means



You Are Enchanting and Artful
You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I'm not sure about whether "many people wonder what (my) secret to life is"
or whether I "have the whole world under (my) spell, and (I) can influence almost everyone (I) know" or whether I "dont resist (my) urges to crush the weak" (? what the eff??? I dont think I ever did that. Have I?)or even the "suave, sexy, smart, and strong" bit. AND potential to break many H.E.A.R.Ts ...omG!! did I??!!

Hmmm...this test is eeerily quite accurate. I wonder if these people read my blog or something :)

my happiest moment ...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Five FluFF

5 things in my handbag

Handphone
>Book or magazine (to read when i stop at traffic light)
>a bag of make-up stuff (i know my face still look pale!!)
>telekung (or sometimes just a pair of the sleeve thingy and a pair of socks)
>Wallet

5 things in my wallet (i'll describe what's in the side pocket)

>CIMB card
>Maybankcard
>My myKad
>Some cash
>Shopping and Hutang List (hehehe)

5 favorite things in my bedroom (my bedroom in umah-sewa)

>the only working bedside lamp in the house
>whatever book I'm currently reading in bed
>my soft duvet
>Kipas hanginnn
>mom (i wishhh!!)

5 things I would like to do

>Go on a road trip to Langkawi
>Go on a road trip to Terengganu-Kelantan
>Go on a trip to Brisbane (kak Cik) -Canberra (Along & Kak Long) - Perth (Kak Long Pakcu)
>Go on a road trip around europe
>Go on a road trip road trip road trip.

5 things I am doing now

>doing this post
>reading a forwarded email titled "ENVIRONMENTAL FACTS - All About Plastics" by Environment & Safety Health Department
>Thinking about what to do and where to go malam and weekend ni (no plan!)
>Wondering when will I dapat my soulmate and dok atas pelamin :P
>Listening to the Keith Urban-Raining on sunday

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

what we-toyota'ian did on week-last of Syawal'09

It was a hilarious yet fun work in here-toyota! Full of excitement, frustration, politics, jealousy, anger, tantrum and it is pretty a balance-life we've had here (think so :P). Last week we had our own-staff-gathering.
It turned out pretty good, considering it was gone in a flash.
Hmm...I didn’t plan on writing much on this coz the pictures tells a thousand words.














Yeahhh Toyota 'n' Me, though we may not have been able to be the
perfect epitome of the employee-employer relationship.
You've still held that special place in my heart..
cewah cewahhh...So I guess you could say it had been quite a productive life as far as life are concerned.

Now I have to go back and start my work and make-up my paper.
bubye!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

everything changes....blog OOOoo blog

Gosh this blog is kinda slowly dying so I must salvage it. I reads adi's, aishah's, tabok's, sis elisa's, sis ninuk's, che det's and few many blogs and now its really inspire me to update more frequent on my own blog. But where to start?? How?? when??
Now I'm actually sitting in my cubicle trying to get work done. But...I don't have anything good to say so I haven't said anything at all.
Most days are blur. I go to office, leave to come home feeling all tensed up & frustrated and then do it all over again the next day. There isn't much to blog about kan. When I feel numb, I tend to fall again into the labyrinth of memory. Past, present, future, fantasy? What is real? I'm so tired of it. I can't even put words to it. This is stupid and pointless.

Talking in circles. I can feel the tension and grief rising....

TAPIKAN....these past couple days have been cool. I'm up at bonda's cottage for the weekend with the cousins and their kids. Its can consider a little reunion with basically our extended family plus my moms cousins whole family. That was fun, of course, I was like the most busy-iest person in the kitchen doing my cooking-potong-ing-buat air oyenn-basuh pinggan and all the stuff..but again, it was FUN :)
Till 12am in the morning and everyone still sitting around telling stories, laughing, joking, drinking and all that rock and roll!
Weird, now i feel more energy for blogging and I'd really like to story more about my journey but I should save that for a proper entry, devoted entirely to it. For now, I shall just say, I'm alive! And shall return to the blogging scene, once I get my lazy ass off the couch watching greys anatomy :D

ps: i miss my best friends :(